above is my bio father and his wife, Mark C. Johnson and Letti (Herreras) Johnson from Medford OregonHi Mark,
I would like to build a relationship with you through letter writing, initially, if possible. Let me know what you think. At the risk of burning a bridge I am going to be totally frank with you. I am willing to suffer the loss that may be incurred. I have lived these last 34 years without my biological father and if my candor offends you than I am willing to live however many years that I have left without you. As far as I am concerned whatever is said between us, is between us, I respect your sons and will not distress them by telling them my feelings about certain things.
First I would like to commend you on your sons. I looked at Alan and Brent’s My Spaces the night before Woody called you. It is very unusual to see men, have such clean profiles on the internet. There was not a foul word, nor pictures of women, or anything else that would suggest that they are anything other than good, solid, young men. That is not typical in this time that we live in. When Brent started to write me, in just a few letters he impressed me with qualities like maturity, kindness and in his unpretentious nature. He also showed love, devotion and admiration for all of you. Adult children like this do not come about by accident, especially in a world were the responsible and honorable conduct among young people is lacking. The impression that I have is that you and Letti must be devoted parents.
That being set aside. I want you to know that if you should want a paternity test I am more than happy to comply. When my dad’s bio daughter (Candy) came along a few years ago I thought it was wise and told him so. Of course by then Peggy, her bio mom, was deceased and could not tell her story. They never ended up taking that step but all you have to do is look in Candy’s face and the features undeniably are my dads. My mother is 100% positive that you are my father. Even with all that being said, I would not be offended nor begrudge you if you wanted testing.
For my side of the story, I have been told by both of my parents as far back as my memory goes that a Mark Johnson was my biological father. They would tell me what they remembered of you and say that I looked like you. I always knew my dad adopted me and it was treated as a matter of fact, the sort of thing that none of us made a big deal of. I kind of felt special, in fact, because Woody and I have had a special relationship, he still often tells me that he married my mother in part because he fell in love with me and wanted me as his daughter. It made me feel special that he chose me. For his part he has been a great father, very attentive and involved. After my parents were divorced (maybe 1984 or so) I spent as much time as possible living with him rather than my mother. That wasnt always possible though because she needed a live in baby sitter for her exploits and as the oldest I was it.
As I got older, probably around 12, I would sometimes get angry that I did not know you. I went through feelings of desertion and such. Why didn’t you want me? Why didn’t you care enough to make sure I was taken care of? I understand not marrying my mother but never checking up on your own child, that I don’t understand, especially now that I know you went on to father and care for your other children so well. My mother did not mother me, after my parents divorced, when living with my mom, no one had my back, made sure I got help for my learning disabilities ect. I never was in a sport, went to a prom, or even have a “childhood”. I had to care for my mother, take a back burner while she had her affairs and did her thing. I watched all her children while she attended night school and never got tutoring or help with my education. Why did you never look for me? I always felt like there was some part of me that I could not understand, maybe you could have helped.
When you told me that you were contacting me because Letti told you it was the right thing to do, it was like a stab through my heart. After all these years… waiting, hoping, not kowing if you were dead, you were willing to let me know you BECAUSE YOUR WIFE SAID IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO! I thought maybe YOU would want to know me. I want to know you. No, matter how much love I have gotten from Woody I wanted to know you, my father. My feelings were also hurt because you shared with me that Letti was jealous of me. Although she is certainly entitled to her feelings, some things maybe shouldn’t be said. Also, like it or not I was YOUR daughter and YOUR responsibility before you married her and had a family. Whether I was an unwanted mistake or not. If anyone has a true right to be jealous it is me.
I don’t know if you are aware of this but I have had a highly traumatizing life. I have had so many people I love die. Some in front of my eyes. Other things have happened that I won’t go into. I saw a physiologist recently and was solidly diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I am sorry if this letter traumatizes you but I feel I need to be honest and not white wash the truth.
Nichole
I would like to build a relationship with you through letter writing, initially, if possible. Let me know what you think. At the risk of burning a bridge I am going to be totally frank with you. I am willing to suffer the loss that may be incurred. I have lived these last 34 years without my biological father and if my candor offends you than I am willing to live however many years that I have left without you. As far as I am concerned whatever is said between us, is between us, I respect your sons and will not distress them by telling them my feelings about certain things.
First I would like to commend you on your sons. I looked at Alan and Brent’s My Spaces the night before Woody called you. It is very unusual to see men, have such clean profiles on the internet. There was not a foul word, nor pictures of women, or anything else that would suggest that they are anything other than good, solid, young men. That is not typical in this time that we live in. When Brent started to write me, in just a few letters he impressed me with qualities like maturity, kindness and in his unpretentious nature. He also showed love, devotion and admiration for all of you. Adult children like this do not come about by accident, especially in a world were the responsible and honorable conduct among young people is lacking. The impression that I have is that you and Letti must be devoted parents.
That being set aside. I want you to know that if you should want a paternity test I am more than happy to comply. When my dad’s bio daughter (Candy) came along a few years ago I thought it was wise and told him so. Of course by then Peggy, her bio mom, was deceased and could not tell her story. They never ended up taking that step but all you have to do is look in Candy’s face and the features undeniably are my dads. My mother is 100% positive that you are my father. Even with all that being said, I would not be offended nor begrudge you if you wanted testing.
For my side of the story, I have been told by both of my parents as far back as my memory goes that a Mark Johnson was my biological father. They would tell me what they remembered of you and say that I looked like you. I always knew my dad adopted me and it was treated as a matter of fact, the sort of thing that none of us made a big deal of. I kind of felt special, in fact, because Woody and I have had a special relationship, he still often tells me that he married my mother in part because he fell in love with me and wanted me as his daughter. It made me feel special that he chose me. For his part he has been a great father, very attentive and involved. After my parents were divorced (maybe 1984 or so) I spent as much time as possible living with him rather than my mother. That wasnt always possible though because she needed a live in baby sitter for her exploits and as the oldest I was it.
As I got older, probably around 12, I would sometimes get angry that I did not know you. I went through feelings of desertion and such. Why didn’t you want me? Why didn’t you care enough to make sure I was taken care of? I understand not marrying my mother but never checking up on your own child, that I don’t understand, especially now that I know you went on to father and care for your other children so well. My mother did not mother me, after my parents divorced, when living with my mom, no one had my back, made sure I got help for my learning disabilities ect. I never was in a sport, went to a prom, or even have a “childhood”. I had to care for my mother, take a back burner while she had her affairs and did her thing. I watched all her children while she attended night school and never got tutoring or help with my education. Why did you never look for me? I always felt like there was some part of me that I could not understand, maybe you could have helped.
When you told me that you were contacting me because Letti told you it was the right thing to do, it was like a stab through my heart. After all these years… waiting, hoping, not kowing if you were dead, you were willing to let me know you BECAUSE YOUR WIFE SAID IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO! I thought maybe YOU would want to know me. I want to know you. No, matter how much love I have gotten from Woody I wanted to know you, my father. My feelings were also hurt because you shared with me that Letti was jealous of me. Although she is certainly entitled to her feelings, some things maybe shouldn’t be said. Also, like it or not I was YOUR daughter and YOUR responsibility before you married her and had a family. Whether I was an unwanted mistake or not. If anyone has a true right to be jealous it is me.
I don’t know if you are aware of this but I have had a highly traumatizing life. I have had so many people I love die. Some in front of my eyes. Other things have happened that I won’t go into. I saw a physiologist recently and was solidly diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I am sorry if this letter traumatizes you but I feel I need to be honest and not white wash the truth.
Nichole
