Above is a picture of me on my third birthday.
Well Ms.Cheraz, I am sure you have guessed by now that this situation is not as exciting as I thought. Except the part about the little brother Brent, that is still good. But, hey I enjoyed my moment of optimism right? This is where my blogs are going to turn ugly so anyone who doesn’t want a little blood splatter on their clothes should move back a few paces.
This recent turn of events, finding my biological father, has opened the proverbial can of worms or maybe whoop ass, take your pick.
My bio father,
though now I am inclined to label him something along the lines of
malevolent sperm donor,
anyhow, his answer to my mother’s pregnancy was to have me chopped into the equivalent of baby burger, sucked out a bloody vacuum and thrown in a trash can somewhere.Then he proceeds to marry another woman and raise three smart, well adjusted, good boys, who are all well educated and seem grounded. I am feeling like an intrusion into their happy little exclusive family, with the exception of the one brother Brent. Thanks paps!!
So, I talked to him yesterday, oh, he is cordial, friendly, interesting, and smart, you would think that was nice, I suppose.
No!
Actually it made me mad, that someone so reasonable dumped my mom and never saw to it that I was taken care of but rather preferred me dead. Something was glaring in our conversation,
there was no show of emotion, no “I am so happy to hear from you”, no “I am sorry”. He told me that his wife told him I had a right to know him and that it was the right thing to do.
Ahhh... so I get a token.
He is just doing his duty,
guided by the moral compass
of his wife.
I am going to cut the bull shit here and hope none of his kids read this.
I find tokens insulting, I always have. Throw a blow at me, insult me, but don’t give me a cheap token and expect me to cherish your quarter machine ring and proudly wear it around my neck on a gold chain! When I was a waitress I was known to take a cheap tip, chase the offending customer down in the parking lot and tell them, “KEEP your lousy dollar, BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLEY NEED IT MORE THAN I DO!”
As a former fetus I object to the premeditation of my murder.
Some men want to go around screwing people and not take responsibility. I think the penalty should be vasectomy after neglected kid #1. No reversals of the vasectomy allowed until you take responsibility for existing children. A day or so ago I had some nice philosophical things to say about all this. I think I wanted everyone to feel better about the situation.
Not happening.
Final note: I am a Christian, unfortunately my experiences with fellow Christians have stunk
maybe they think I stink too,
but I think the lot of them are meaner than hornets and more dangerous.
It was Mahatma Gandhi who said,
"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. ..."
Well Ms.Cheraz, I am sure you have guessed by now that this situation is not as exciting as I thought. Except the part about the little brother Brent, that is still good. But, hey I enjoyed my moment of optimism right? This is where my blogs are going to turn ugly so anyone who doesn’t want a little blood splatter on their clothes should move back a few paces.
This recent turn of events, finding my biological father, has opened the proverbial can of worms or maybe whoop ass, take your pick.
My bio father,
though now I am inclined to label him something along the lines of
malevolent sperm donor,
anyhow, his answer to my mother’s pregnancy was to have me chopped into the equivalent of baby burger, sucked out a bloody vacuum and thrown in a trash can somewhere.Then he proceeds to marry another woman and raise three smart, well adjusted, good boys, who are all well educated and seem grounded. I am feeling like an intrusion into their happy little exclusive family, with the exception of the one brother Brent. Thanks paps!!
So, I talked to him yesterday, oh, he is cordial, friendly, interesting, and smart, you would think that was nice, I suppose.
No!
Actually it made me mad, that someone so reasonable dumped my mom and never saw to it that I was taken care of but rather preferred me dead. Something was glaring in our conversation,
there was no show of emotion, no “I am so happy to hear from you”, no “I am sorry”. He told me that his wife told him I had a right to know him and that it was the right thing to do.
Ahhh... so I get a token.
He is just doing his duty,
guided by the moral compass
of his wife.
I am going to cut the bull shit here and hope none of his kids read this.
I find tokens insulting, I always have. Throw a blow at me, insult me, but don’t give me a cheap token and expect me to cherish your quarter machine ring and proudly wear it around my neck on a gold chain! When I was a waitress I was known to take a cheap tip, chase the offending customer down in the parking lot and tell them, “KEEP your lousy dollar, BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLEY NEED IT MORE THAN I DO!”
As a former fetus I object to the premeditation of my murder.
Some men want to go around screwing people and not take responsibility. I think the penalty should be vasectomy after neglected kid #1. No reversals of the vasectomy allowed until you take responsibility for existing children. A day or so ago I had some nice philosophical things to say about all this. I think I wanted everyone to feel better about the situation.
Not happening.
Final note: I am a Christian, unfortunately my experiences with fellow Christians have stunk
maybe they think I stink too,
but I think the lot of them are meaner than hornets and more dangerous.
It was Mahatma Gandhi who said,
"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. ..."
What seems like a totally rational decision at one time often becomes a totally irrational decision at another. We are the sum of our experiences, the good, the bad, and the ugly, but we are also the sum of everyone else's experiences, most especially the decisions of our parents. Some of our most challenging decisions are made in times of crisis and/or despair, and often they are decisions that we would never make in other circumstances.
ReplyDeleteYou cannot change the past, but you can put it into perspective and deal with it -- or allow it to become the controlling factor in your life and destroy you.